Hurt

Ever have one of those days where you just want to go sit on a friends couch and cry into a cup of tea?

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Right now I just hurt.

Not “pity party” type hurt, but genuine I’m sobbing at my computer screen in the middle of the afternoon as I type this hurt.

I can’t tell you why exactly, but I do.

Toby’s birthday is next week and I know that’s part of it.  Seven years since our life flipped upside down and inside out.  Seven years of hurt, and guilt, and pain, and anger, and remorse, and confusion, and knowing it’s not my fault but having to remind myself of it.  Seven years since part of me went on to Heaven without the rest.  Seven years of everything.

All I know is right now I want to feel comforted, while at the same time not having to explain why.  Not having to talk it out.  Just being aloud to just be.

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