Thursday and Sunday

Thursday is my hubbies birthday.  I am so grateful for Chris, and so grateful for God putting us together.  I’m excited to celebrate him, and love on him.  But, there is one deeply hidden thing that I am thankful for year after year after year – his Birthday is always days away from Mothers Day.

 

We are not big celebrators in this house.  We don’t make a big deal out of Valentines Day, St. Patrick’s Day, our Anniversary, our own Birthday’s, or many of the “minor” holidays.  We celebrate big for Christmas, Thanksgiving, Inara’s birthday, and for her on Valentines Day, but that’s about it.  And even those “big” celebrations tend to be small affairs compared to many other people we know.

 

We weren’t always like that though – so why the shift over the years.  Well, I wont lie some if it is simply budget, we cannot afford big to-dos on the budget God has given to us.  But the other side of it, with almost every holiday, somehow there is a hurt attached.  There are a lot of days with hurts attached when you’ve lost three babies.  There are a lot of moments with hurt, awkwardness, and random tears after the path we’ve walked the last seven years.

 

Mother’s day is hard for me, not only because it reminds me of all the babies I will never get to see or hold or watch, or giggle with this side of Heaven, but it reminds me that three years ago on Mother’s day I peed on a stick and it told me I was pregnant for the third time.  Which reminds me that a month later I had a miscarriage, and six months after that I almost died due to complications from my fourth pregnancy, and second still-birth.  All of which reminds me how many statistics I now represent and embody – non of which are good, or happy.

 

This, this is why I am happy that Thursday is Chris’ birthday, because this one day, allows me to focus on him and my love for him all weekend and push the hurt and tears and pain and awkwardness to the side at least for the most part, and celebrate him.

 

So, to my Mother in law who went into labor early 31 years ago – thank you for the amazing son you raised and that very special mother’s day you had that year.  And to God, who had the whole plan in His hands even then – thank you for bringing Chris to the world almost two months early – just so that almost 30 years later his birthday could be a comfort to me through all the hardships we’ve faced.

 

And to all my other friends and family out there with less than “normal” motherhood emotions headed into this weekend, please know that you are not alone, and you are loved.

 

An open letter to pastors {A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day}
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2 thoughts on “Thursday and Sunday

  1. AWW! I’m blessed he found a wonderful and lovely you to share his life with and for the miracle of our very special Inara. How much we have to be thankful for. Yes, being born on Mother’s Day was special although it was scary for me that day as only a skeleton crew was on duty and with each contraction he quit breathing and I had to be rushed to surgery for C-section. Touch and go for us, but God blessed us with an always cheerful and ever curious and smart little tyke who ran circles around us most of his growing years. Such a special guy, so we celebrate him along with you. Kisses and hugs to you all and much love.

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