The Lord has brought me here, and left me. He has lead me on a path I did not expect, nor would have chosen if the choice had been my own. It took me a LONG time, years, to be at peace and find contentment in my life. It took me a long time, and a lot of money, to learn how not to compair myself with others, or even my own dreams. It took me great sacrifice to lay down the things of this world that I have wanted to badly and trust God to provide me with what I need instead. The journey has been long, hard, painful, treaturous, and full of both darkness and imesurable joy. I was finally at a place of happiness.
Then life happened.
Sometimes I have to look around and wonder if somewhere in the great kosmos someone decided to do a “remake” of the book of Job and cast me in the lead.
Over the last two weeks our family has had much to celebrate. We welcomed a new sister to our bunch with much happiness and open arms. We all got to see each other, and spend time together, and love one another. Inara was a super star on our trip to Portland as far as travel, schedual upset, and overall mood. We spent an AMAZING week in a beautiful part of the country enjoying some of my favorite weather.
Then we came home.
To the house and life that God has richly blessed us with. In a city where we are surounded by friends that we love as dearly as family, and to our pets that for me at least are as precious as children.
And within 24 hours I felt my mood darken and my heart harden.
Why did we have to live here, in this place, with this heat, and the horrible allergies? Why do we have to be in a home that is falling apart around us? Why can’t I live near family, or trees, or rain? Why can’t my daughter just behave?
What happened to my contentment?
Where did my peace go?
What is it that I’m striving for?
What is the real goal?
I could use prayer again my friends. Prayers for peace and joy to come back. Prayers to find contentment in the life God has given me. Happiness in the mundain, grace with love. Mostly, I could use a shift of focus and a softening of the heart.
Please God, help me to focus on your truth and love now and always. Amen