It never seems to mater this time of year how I feel about it, I cannot escape the onslought of 9/11 rememberance. This year being the 10th anniversay of the World Trade Center, Pentagon, and Pensilvania flight crashes and attacks, it seems the media started in with all of it even earlier this year. I’ve talked before about how I feel regarding Patriot Day, and my feelings haven’t changed – but at the same time a small part of me hopes that something will happen again so that people will focus on that tragedy and neglect 9/11 the same way that 9/11 overroad the Oklahoma City Bombing, and the way otehr events in history (Pearl Harbor for example) replaced the remembrance of other things. Do I want to see lives lost, no, do I wish ill on my country, no, but do I wish it would shut up and let me have my day to myself – you bet!
I know that compaired to some, my troubles are small, and to others they are unimaginable, but to me, they are mine. Where other people in my life effected by my story and my loss – yes, but no one, not even my husband can have experienced them the way that I have, if for no other reason, than no one else carried these children inside them, and no one else felt their body spit out babies that would never breath or cry, no one else had to deal with the physical pain of the loss. Again, I don’t mean to belittle peoples struggles, I know this path has been just as hard for Chris, for our parents, and our friends as it has been for me, but it’s differant, it’s a path I have to walk alone, and it’s hard – especially when the biggest day of my greif and the hardest part of my year happens on such a PUBLIC day of “honored rememberance”.
I think that I may have finally gotten to a point in my healing where I can begin to tell the story – the whole story, but I’ll save that for another day, because I know it will be long, and will end up being several posts. But in the mean time – if I let slip the angry, hurt, or sad thoughts that flit through my mind as Sunday draws near, bear with me and know that I am still healing – may forever be still healing, and that the roughness will pass and in a week or two I’ll be back to “normal.”
*All Images found via Pinterest and linked to original sources where available.